The waiting game

When the Farragut set sail back in January I had so many plans, so much I wanted to accomplish. I think between February and May I was working out so hard, trying to get in a fitness groove and learning how to push myself and eat more of the right things. By the end of May my focus turned to finances, working towards being debt-free by the time Brian returns. In June I think I worked on helping others accomplish a few goals by spending my weekend with ladies that needed an extra set of hands and muscles for some big projects. Now in July I have been focused on the apartment, decorating and organizing. I got a storage unit for some of our extra stuff that we rarely need like Christmas decorations, etc. The thing is, with all this drive to get it all done, I am now basically done and have accomplished most everything on my list. The last minute details take very little time in the grand scheme of things. I finished everything too early and now I am stuck in the waiting room. :( Luckily I have a painting to finish and a few more seasons of Sex In the City to watch. I am having the carpets cleaned and my hair lightened to blond on Tuesday. I feel like there are so few projects for the amount of time that remains. Help, somebody give me something to do!

Last night Jenny and I went to dinner at the North Beach Bistro. It was she and her husband's 10th wedding anniversary. It is hard to enjoy such a significant moment when your spouse is halfway around the world. I told Brian that I was gonna be her stand in groom for the evening. We had a great time. I wish we had taken a photo of the two of us. Her husband sent her the most beautiful matching necklace and earrings. Boy is she blingin'! We had a great time and I honestly don't think I have eaten that much since December. I was so miserable afterwards but it was worth it. The food was amazing. I ordered Mahi Mahi with Mango.... MMMMMM.

This morning he called and woke me...YAY! :) We laughed and I got a little choked up once. He is just everything I want and need ... and so, so far away from home.

JULY !!! Oh sweet, sweet July!

Wow. I can't believe it is JULY! YAY! With each month that has passed a new marker is crossed that inches closer and closer to the return of the Farragut.

I think so often about the night before Brian left. We were laying down for the nap, mentally exhausted from the preparations, yet unable to fully let ourselves rest. We knew that these were our final moments together before the ship set sail. Laying there trying to be still and quiet, neither of us could say what was on our minds. We were both brokenhearted. As we lay there in silence, I grabbed my cell phone and text him the few words I wished I could say out loud, "I miss you already". He grabbed for his phone, a few seconds later my text alert sounded. It read "I started missing you the moment I found out there was a deployment". We both burst into tears and could do nothing but hold each other crying until we fell asleep.

I point out this moment, this memory for one main reason. Looking back on that moment, we were so completely sad that we were going to be apart. We were so nervous about the unknown. How would our relationship hold up over a seven month deployment? How would we make it without seeing each other for so long. But here is the answer... one day at a time. Every morning when I wake, especially in the beginning, I just wanted the strength to get through that day. Then you get into a routine and find projects and friends to occupy your time. While I hate the feeling that him leaving brings, the leading up to and watching him pull away is by far the hardest part. The day after he left I found myself thinking, today is one day closer to his return.

I am so incredibly thankful for all the sacrifices he has made. I am so thankful for my friends and family who have been there for me and encouraged me through his absence. I am so thankful that the fear that this deployment would bring us apart has been the opposite of what has truly happened. We are closer now than before he left.

Sooner than later he will make his way back to me. Soon I will be going back blond and filling the fridge with all the things he likes. I will be pressing my dress for homecoming and making sure there is plenty of laundry detergent. I have never wanted to wash a load of coveralls so bad... pretty soon.... I will get to.

So close... Yet so far away

Photo description: Brian doing stand up comedy in the mess decks. Notice the look on the two ladies faces... :)

The past week has been an emotional roller coaster for me. Early in the week my family had a horrible family tragedy. No one should have to experience what they are going through now. It isn't a good time for me to give the details as those I care about may read and be upset. I will share more details later.

Also, this week I have really really just needed a hug from Brian. I have just been needing that... "Hang on honey, it is almost over" reassurance. And I am sure that he wants to give me that. Then again, by me wanting that, I am setting up an expectation that cannot be met. I am creating a longing for something that cannot be fulfilled. Before Brian left on deployment he promised me a reasonable one phone call a week. I am now on my 22nd day. I know there is a good reason... I just know it. But at this point, I feel so overwhelmed knowing that he has admittedly had the time and opportunity to call and just didn't. It is hard for me to not allow myself to get a little emotional, especially after the family tragedy.

I think sometimes you have to get tough skinned in listening to your navy wife friends too. Phone calls and Skype sessions are what really keep us going. Many of the wives get multiple phone calls a week and some even get to do Skype dates. It is hard not to let myself compare Brian's response to their husbands. I mean, I have to be happy for them that they get all that attention without holding Brian to that same level of expectation. He never promised any of those things. The emails are really appreciated, but it is nothing like just hearing his voice tell me... "I love you and I miss you". It just somehow makes every absent moment worth it. I am trying to hold him to his word to call me once a week, but am finding that maybe I should just tell myself I have to be okay even if he doesn't. It is just really hard to think that I may have to go through the rest of deployment without that reassurance.

I am so incredibly proud of him. I miss him so much. He is the best thing that has ever happened to me, and I am absolutely crazy about him. If I didn't love him so much, I wouldn't be holding on....

Time flies... or does it?

It is hard to believe that I didn't post ANYTHING in April. Guess my promise of keeping everyone updated, along with my own personal diary, has kinda been slacking. This is life... Stuff Happens! (the G-rated version of what I was really thinking).

WARNING... THIS BLOG IS LENGTHY! I have a lot to catch up on.

Between February and early May I spent lots of time and MAJOR $$$ on training with my oh-so-artsy trainer, Trey. My results have been good, but less than fabulous. My PCOS nutritionist told me a year or more ago that NO amount of exercise would ever change my body. I will see VERY slow results if any. For the most part she was right, however there are small changes and I am definitely feeling stronger than I have in years. In mid-May I decided that it was time that Trey and I part ways. I don't think either of us really wanted to. But the bottom line is that I have a wedding to pay for and a long-term trainer is not in the budget. I ordered Power 90 (the prerequisite to P90X) a few weeks ago and am a week into the program. It is challenging, but doable. All of the exercises require 8-15 repetitions. I usually make it to 10 before I have to bail out. At least I know I can spend the next 40 days working up to the 15th rep before I move on to the next disc which is more challenging. I haven't lost much weight since January, but I have lost measurable inches. More and more I am feeling like... Screw the scale! I just want to feel fit and healthy!

In late April I attended a Beth Moore simulcast conference. Honestly, it may be the highlight of my time that Brian has been away. IT WAS WONDERFUL! The conference was for women and called "So Long Insecurity". It was eye-opening. It was informative. It was motivational. I think it may have been a life-changing weekend for me. I felt like a different woman when I left. Plus, when you worship God with over 300,000 women... it does something so amazingly good for your soul. It is like satisfying your longing heart.

Now for the most important topic...BRIAN! He is doing well on his deployment. He found out yesterday that he didn't advance, but MANY didn't and it honestly isn't a big deal. I know he really wanted it, and I was cheering him on... but it isn't like he got demoted. I am really, really proud of all he has accomplished. He is seeing the world! He is doing things that few people ever get to do, some of those are good things and some just come with the job.

I have good days and bad days, but mostly good days. When you work all week, workout in the evenings, and try to take care of yourself, it occupies the majority of your time. Most weekends I either just want to rest and be alone or just want to have a chill weekend hanging out with my home girls... and there is always the beach and the pool. My friend Jenny and I live really close and it is so nice to have a friend to call you and say, "hey, you wanna meet at Panera at 7?". Honestly, I feel like she and Rhonda have been so great to me and for me. Rhonda is from Memphis and when I am with her, well...she just feels like being home with family. They are the first two friends outside of my co-workers that have truly made me feel like family. I am so thankful to have them.

More blogs to follow on my trip home for my 30th!

Recorded Calories Burned To-Date

Just to make it clear, this is not me in the pic... it is just how I feel at the gym.


I have recently learned that my Polar can only display a certain number of previous workouts. I know that it is keeping track of the total sessions, but only displays a certain number of those. When I train tomorrow night, the oldest day displayed will fall off. It will still add it to the total, but I won't be able to look at the details of that day. Because I want to keep this info, I have decided to start recording the data here.

As of now... my totals recorded to date(there were some days that I forgot my hr monitor after I had purchased it).

TOTAL SESSIONS SINCE 2/17 - 22
TOTAL TIME SINCE 2/17 - 23 HOURS, 19 MINUTES, 32 SECONDS
TOTAL CALORIES SINCE 2/17 - 12,244 CALORIES

3/5 - 1:03:13 - 571 calories
3/7 - 1:19:53 - 830 calories
3/8 - 1:07:07 - 494 calories
3/9 - 1:17:44 - 776 calories
3/10 - 0:45:13 - 298 calories (dental work day)
3/11 - 1:16:07 - 701 calories
3/13 - 1:15:12 - 678 calories
3/14 - 1:02:02 - 745 calories (spin class)
3/15 - 1:03:23 - 582 calories
3/16 - 1:10:38 - 702 calories

These are all the individual days that are currently showing, although the total calorie count goes back to 2/17.

My First Spin Class

I have heard people talk about spin class for years now, how it burns lots of calories, kicks your butt, etc. I have always wanted to go, but simply because of the endurance required, I have never gone to a class. After a friend asked me to go, I decided to suck it up and try it. I have been working out for awhile now, and I have gained strength and endurance... so today I tried it.

It was hard, but I did it. I made it through the whole class. My heart rate got up to 195 at one point, when I tried to slow my knees kinda locked up and came to a stop for a sec. I was just trying to slow down and lower my heart rate a bit. Other than that, I was able to learn the resistance and have better control. I burned about 745 calories during the hour long session.

Anywho... I am so glad I went. It is something I have always wanted to try and now I have done it.

The Virtuous Woman

Since I was a teenager I have routinely taken a look at Proverbs 31. It is the story that many refer to as "The Virtuous Woman". It describes a woman who is full of grace, class, discipline, and a really hard worker. She is a career woman who takes care of her family and supports her husband in all he does. Tonight I was noticing that in verses 11 and 12 it says, "The heart of her husband safely trusts her; so he will have no lack of gain. She does him good and not evil all the days of her life."

I am not sure why, but when I read these verses a vision of a man came to my mind. It is a vision of a man who has so much responsibility, so many burdens, and such a heavy load to carry. He is doing all he can to make sure his family has all they need. And in the midst of all these burdens, standing behind him, supporting him, loving him... this woman, his wife. She is his escape, his peace, he may not be sure about everything else in life, but he is sure about her. He is completely confident that he can count on her, trust her, and knows that she will not miss a beat to make sure he is supported, helped, loved, and has his moments of safety, peace and rest amidst all his responsibility. She is his refuge.

I want to be this woman. I want to make sure that no matter what, Brian can find rest, trust, safety, love and comfort in me. He does so much and works so hard with military life and deployments, less comfortable surroundings and his service. He does all this and still makes the time to tell me he loves me. I am so lucky to have him. I want to do all I can to make sure he knows how loved and appreciated he is by giving him all the support he needs.

I pray for him everyday that God will bless him and make him a blessing to those around him...that God would use him in a mighty way to do things bigger than he knows he is capable of doing...that Christ would be to him as an anchor to the soul, both sure and steadfast...that God give him favor amongst his coworkers and those in authority over him... and that at the end of his day, God will lay him down in perfect peace so that he may rise the next day, ready for his service.

Weigh In: March 11

Tonight was my night that I weighed in with Trainer Trey aka Coach. Things are moving slowly, but they are definitely moving. Regardless of how fast the pounds are dropping, I am really excited that they are. Besides, I am feeling stronger, faster, and more full of life than I have in years. So... here are the results. I have lost 5 pounds over the last 4 weeks. Left arm is -1/2", Right arm is +1/8", Left Thigh -1", Right thigh no change, Chest -2", waist -2 1/2", Hips -1 1/2". So ... about 7 1/4 total inches lost in 4 weeks. I am super excited. Also, I don't think I really had any expectations about how many inches in a month I might lose, so not having a really high expectation helped.

As far as my routine at the gym, I go at 7pm Monday through Friday and whatever time is most convenient on Saturday. I give myself Sunday off. The only reason I go on Sunday is if I missed a day, which has only happened once so far... but I made it up. On Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays I do 60 minutes of cardio. The intensity level changes daily so I never do the same exact cardio workout two days in a row. On Tuesdays, Thursdays and Saturdays I do resistance (weight) training for about 30-45 minutes depending on my trainer who trains me each Thursday night giving me a new resistance program for the following week. Each resistance training session is followed by 30 minutes of cardio.

I wear a Polar FT4 everyday. It keeps track of my heart rate and calorie burn during my workouts. I am currently burning between 650 - 830 calories per workout. I try to compete with myself daily determined to beat my burn from the day before.

I am so excited about all of this. I know I haven't accomplished anything huge in the grand scheme of things. But I have accomplished something great for myself in my own little world.... and that is far more that I could have hoped for.

Dinner and a Movie

Jennifer Reed, me (I'm the hobbit in the middle) and Rhonda Jackson


Last night Jennifer Reed invited Rhonda Jackson and I to hang out and have dinner. We all met up with Angie at Bono's near Town Center for an ALS Association Fundraiser Dinner. Angie is involved with the local ALS (Lou Gehrig's disease) Association. Our sailors are all on the same ship together and currently deployed. We had a great time talking at dinner. It is so interesting to hear the other stories and perspectives of how things are going aboard the ship. Some of our stories are the same, and then some were different. None of our sailors work in the same department so they are all involved in different tasks. Also, some of these ladies have been married to the navy for about ten years... maybe more. Angie's husband was former enlisted and now an officer, Jennifer and her husband have lived in foreign ports, and Rhonda's man is highly ranked and she knows much of the lingo that I am not accustomed to.

Once we left the restaurant we headed over to Cheesecake Factory to pick up a few pieces of cheesecake. We carried those back to Jennifer's house and had some wine and watched a movie called The Invention of Lying. It was interesting. Really funny at first and then not so much. Anywho... the guy got the girl at the end and the main characters didn't die, so it was better than a Sparks film. Nicholas Spark's movies aren't all that bad as long as you don't watch them during a deployment. Somehow sadness seems so greatly intensified during deployments.

We had a great time and it was night to get out on Saturday evening after I had such an incredibly rough day on Friday. I found myself in tears missing Brian and had one of those days where I just needed to get a good cry out and then move on. I hate days like that, but they always make the following day seem better. Thanks to Jennifer (the fantastic hostess), Angie and Rhonda my Saturday evening was the highlight of my weekend.

For Brian .... 1,2,3,4 by Plain White T's

1,2,3,4

1,2 - 1 2 3 4
give me more lovin then i've ever had.
make it all better when i'm feelin sad.
tell me that i'm special even when i know i'm not.
make me feel good when i hurt so bad.
barely gettin mad,
im so glad i found you.
i love bein around you.
you make it easy,
as easy as 1 2,(1 2 3 4.)
theres only one thing two do three words four you.
i love you.
(i love you)
theres only one way two say those three words
and that's what i'll do.
i love you.
(i love you)
give me more lovin from the very start.
piece me back together when i fall apart.
tell me things you never even tell your closest friends.
make me feel good when i hurt so bad.
best that i've had.
im so glad that i found you.
i love bein around you.
you make it easy as easy as 1 2,(1 2 3 4.)
theres only one thing two do three words four you.
i love you.
(i love you)
theres only one way two say those three words
and that's what i'll do.
i love you.i love you
(i love you)
you make it easy, its easy as 1234
theres only one thing two do three words four you i love you
(i love you)
theres only one way two say those three words
thats what ill do i love you
(i love you)
i love you i love you.
one two three four i love you.
(iloveyou)
i love you
(i love you)

Childhood Reflections

The top photo is me at sixteen. The bottom is a fairly recent pic of my mom and dad.

I have so much to be thankful for. When I look back on my childhood, I think of all we had and I never knew. I have a mom who still to this day irons my daddy's shirt every morning for work or church. We ate dinner that my mom prepared together every night at the table and said grace before every meal, the whole family. Tommy and I didn't know there was any other way to eat. Daddy has always worked so hard and his hands show it. He has the hands of Goliath, big and strong and mysterious.... yet gentle enough to hold and comfort his baby girl. We didn't have everything we wanted, but we had more than we ever needed. When we were really little daddy worked multiple jobs to make sure we had all we needed. He even sold his fancy pickup so that we could get a better house in a better neighborhood with a better school. My parents have never been crazy about credit. They basically have always taught us that if you can't pay cash, you can't afford it... and to save for a rainy day. They have that old school mentality that seems to be sadly unappreciated these days. I think everything they own is bought and paid for. We were in church three times a week. I never imagined that it was optional for folks because we did it like breathing. I can't fathom having done any differently. Thanks to my parents and the church I have a very strong spiritual life, and I can quote an immense amount of scripture that brings me so much comfort. I was never fearful of my mom and dad splitting up. I have friends who discussed that childhood fear, but I felt sure that mine would always be together. Since Tommy and I have grown up and left it seems as if mom and dad are more in love than ever. He refers to her as his "bride", and it makes my heart sing to hear it. There is nothing better than knowing that after all these years, they never stopped loving each other. My mom won over my dad with her mad cooking skills... pinto beans in the crock pot. I never have gotten the recipe but I need to put it on my to-do list. Tommy was so protective over me. He once got in a fight with a neighbor boy who cussed in front of me. He warned him first, but the kid didn't listen. The guys seemed to like me so Tommy was always extra protective. I remember when we went on a trip to Canada for choir, he caught me being flirtatious with this guy that was a senior, I was a freshman. He didn't like and made me come and sit next to him! I was mad at the time but looking back I wish I would've done less pouting and more hanging out with my brother. Tommy has the most beautiful wife, Chanda. They were high school sweethearts. She kinda looks like an even mixture of Julia Roberts and Kyra Sedgwick rolled into one. I am so glad Tommy has her. She really gets him and for a guy who is just like daddy (the strong, silent type) that isn't an easy task. My mom, dad and brother spend their days together, doing locksmith work for their community. My great-grandad, grandad "Papaw", grandmother "Granny", my daddy, my uncle and my brother have done lock work for the area for what seems like forever. You can even mention my great-granddad's nickname, "Keyhole Miller", in public and most know exactly who you mean. He was kinda notorious for a few service calls he did. Some days I wish I was back at home with them all, but I think of all I have here. Florida had me at my worst and I still intend for my best to be seen here. I found love in Florida and I have a great job and wonderful employers. I know that one day the Navy will call us to leave, but wherever life takes me I will have the love and support of my family and my handsome sailor by my side.

Ramblings About Life

This morning I logged on to blogger for the first time in awhile. I didn't realize that it had been so long since I had written anything. I mean, I knew I had definitely been slacking, but I didn't realize it has been about twenty days since my last vent, blurb, journal or whatever these writings are. Here are a few things that have been on my mind.

I am marrying the most incredible man ever. Honestly, although I think deployment stinks, I believe that it has made the both of us grow individually and closer together. It is strange to think how him being worlds away could bring us closer, but I think it has. I am more grateful, more respectful and more aware of how much I absolutely can't imagine my life without him more every day. It's like the 80's song..."You don't know what you got... til it's gone." One thing rings true in me, I will never take another home day for granted.

In regards to my weight-loss, training, and getting into shape... I had to step back from the scale a bit. I am really working harder than I ever have before. If I let the scale alone dictate my success I may drive myself nuts before I reach my first goal. It is so easy to let the scale disappoint you. If I do that, I will give up before I ever get anywhere. Last night at the gym I beat my calorie burn. In fact, I squashed it and passed it by so much that I will have to really bust it to pass that burn again. Although the scale is slow to move, I can see physical changes in my body. Also, when I first began working out regularly it would take very little movement to get my heart rate up. I could be walking at the very lowest incline at what seemed like a snail's pace and my heart rate would skyrocket. This is no longer the case. I sometimes walk at the highest incline and can make my walking speed almost a jog. Sometimes I just want to run! I have found that I am not there yet though. Sometimes I jog for a bit, but never for very long as my heart rate gets too high. I don't mind getting it way up there, but 180 for an extended period of time isn't good. My trainer tells me to chill when I hit 175. I try not to exceed that number.

Okay... I will try to write more thoughts later this evening. I need to get a move on and get to work.

Weigh In: Feb 9

Well...the predicated two week curse has struck. Tonight was weigh-in night at the gym. I only lost one pound this week.... but honestly... I am SO EXCITED! I worked hard this week for that one pound. I am sure I didn't do everything perfect, there were moments of stress, grief, sadness, joy and excitement... all which probably affected my weight loss. But it isn't a tragedy. I am truly, truly, through the roof excited about the ONE POUND! At least I didn't gain or not lose at all... which may happen at some point, but I hope not! This is a process, a long -------->>>> process that has just begun. If I have to sweat it out one pound at time I will. That is literally what I am doing anyway. I don't care if I have to bust it one pound a week at a time, I will one pound my way all the way to meeting my goal. Regardless of what the scale says, I can see a difference and I most certainly can FEEL the difference. I am the happiest I have been in years! After all, it isn't ALL about the scale.

Check back every Tuesday to see how things are going.

Brian aka My Hero

You know... this deployment thing really sucks. At times I have such a hard time and then sometimes I am completely fine. Tonight I kinda got a little huffy with Brian, not b/c I wanted to or had any excuse, I just let the situation and our current circumstance affect me. The fact is that sometimes when you are communicating by text or email... the tone of your words and the intensity or passion behind what you mean can be misunderstood. Plus, whatever point you are trying to make or whatever question you are trying to have answered can be muddled and seen as just chit chat when it was the main point or idea behind your email. Sometimes I feel like I should write my emails in outline form... most important and least important... or with highlighted areas. I'd probably look like a rainbow though so I have tried to avoid that... I'm artsy like that. Anywho... the moment that I royally blew it with the email, I had to get offline and rush to the gym for Body Flow class. And as usual when I do something ridiculous, God always has a way of revealing to me just how big I blew it and then showing me what I should have done differently.

Sidenote... I listen to Focus on the Family a lot in the evenings. I enjoy the radio guest that they have on.

So tonight on my short drive to the gym I heard a lady named Dr. Julie Slattery share about how her Type A personality always put lots of expectations on her husband. She wished he would be more this way or care more about that or be more of a leader in this area. But she never really took the time to notice all the things he was good at... even better than her at... LIKE RELAXING! She said God put them together b/c her TYPE A and his LAID BACK personalities help keep each other on track. She also said that once she lightened up and started letting him lead in the areas he was good at... that she realized her lack of showing respect for him.

Boy... right there in the car I was crying my eyes out. I never want Brian to have to feel like I put to much pressure on him or disrespect him. I want him to know that he is a HERO in my eyes. I love him in every way, and I want to be a woman who encourages and builds up my husband... not tear him down. I remind myself constantly that Brian is not my ex-husband. He hasn't done those things to me. He hasn't hurt me like that other guy. I have no reason at all to not support him, not respect him, and not show him how much I count on him as my protector and the future provider of my family.

Brian is the guy who will kick the field goal. He is the guy that always scores the winning touchdown for our home team. He is so smart in so many ways and I am so lucky that I heard this program to keep my mind focused on the main thing.

Early Birthday

I got to chat online with Brian earlier. It is already his birthday where he is. Of course I told him happy birthday, but I am working on a writing for him for his birthday. There is more to say and more to write, but I am gonna wait to post it on his birthday here tomorrow. For now.. a simple Happy Birthday to you, Brian. I love you more than life.
*kisses*

Weigh In: Feb 2

Tonight was another night of training with Trey at Lifestyle Family Fitness. He is helping me with a pre-wedding workout. I also hope to surprise Brian with a healthier, leaner, more toned fiance' when he returns from deployment. I have a long way to go, but after the weigh in tonight, I feel more excited and motivated than ever.

I lost 6 pounds in one week! YAY!!!

Stay tuned for next Tuesday's weigh in...

April 30th!

Okay so April 30th is the wedding date.
I have been waiting for my sailor to pick the date.
It has been a little frustrating trying to get into a groove of communication while he is away. He is really busy and there are some time differences and his schedule has changed a few times. Anywho... I am so excited that we finally have a date.

Missing My Sailor

I just miss him so much.

Weight Loss Goals

Tonight I had an appointment with Trey, my trainer at Lifestyle Family Fitness. I took the advice of my good friend Christina Benz, who did some investigating for me, and signed up for a weekly training session. After all, I do want to look amazing not only standing on the pier waving as my sailor pulls in, but also the day my daddy walks me down the aisle to marry that handsome sailor. I also purchased the piece of exercise equipment in the picture above. Tommy and Chanda, my brother and sister-in-law, sent me a Bed Bath and Beyond gift card, and I used it to go towards the purchase of the Ab Circle. It is actually pretty fun. It is challenging, but when I am at home dreaming of my weight-loss goals it is easy to just hop on here. I even challenged myself to do 15 minutes on it while my quinoa (also introduced to me by Mrs. Benz.. she is full of good ideas) was cooking.

Anywho... my newest goal is to lose 30 more pounds by my 30th birthday, which is on May 2nd. I will keep everyone updated on how things are going and I will post my weight-loss every Tuesday. This is gonna be challenging, but having accountability will push me... especially if I am gonna post it here. YIKES!

Just my thoughts...

Today my mind's eye appears fixed on expectations. I acknowledge my own ability to expedite life, pressing contingencies to their breaking point. I am aware that some positions need extra petitioning, but minor details which effect major events deserve swift thought and execution. Besides, those who tarry may find themselves with only scraps. Sometimes I feel like Cinderella, waiting, completely mindful that at any moment my dress will be but rags and horse-drawn carriage turned to pumpkin and mice. I offered liberties to decide out of submission and respect, only to realize that these timely details are tossed aside. Have I mishandled my own liveliness? Have I extended control to one who lacks concern? A careless, half-hearted approach will only further offend my already anxious disposition. I assumed that one who cared so much would have reciprocal feelings of angst, eager to move along due to longings intensified by separations. I guess assumption never really serves anyone well.

Wedding Plans

Well... It stinks that I haven't blogged more this month. I have been major busy at work and sometimes just a little lazier than I should be. I will try to be better.

So... Today I went to a bridal show. It was lots of fun. The best part was when I got a phone call from Brian. I sure do miss him and it thrills me to hear his voice. I choke back tears most times as it breaks my heart to think he is so far away.

At the bridal show there were tons of vendors... photographers, cake artists, D.J.'s, florists, etc, all were giving samples of their product, business cards, information about costs. They also had models prancing around to display the latest fashions.

When I got the call from Brian I had wedding stuff on the brain. Perhaps I shouldn't have, but I couldn't help but try to push him along on some of our plans.... mostly A DATE!!! He is procrastinating, not unlike him. I love him, and how he loves to procrastinate. We found a venue, but they are already booking dates for 2011. If he doesn't hurry, we may have to find another place. Ugh. Hope he decides really soon.

Honeymoon List

So I didn't make it to the gym tonight. :(
Last night I didn't get to talk to Brian online b/c I was so tired from the gym that I got in bed before he got online. The night before I basically did the same except I was logging off just as he got on and was so tired I couldn't chat long.
Tonight I was determined to make sure I wasn't too tired to chat... but I didn't make to the gym... so.
While Brian and I were chatting we decided that we are going to start compiling a list of possible honeymoon destinations. I am SO excited! I haven't been all that many places and the thought of going somewhere awesome... just he and I... sounds so dreamy!

My first destination that I added to my list.... FIGI!

Bike Ride

In honor of last night's Biggest Loser episode I decided to recreate my own "Biggest Loser Challenge". In the show's challenge, two teammates were striving to bike (stationary) a combined total of 26.2 miles... the distance of a marathon. The team that made the finish line first got immunity.

Tonight although I had no one to race against. I pushed myself to at least make the 13.1 miles that would have been expected of one of the teammates. I spent 70 minutes, 60 of full out riding and 10 minutes of cool down, riding to reach the mark. I rode a total distance of 14.14 miles in that time. I was a little disappointed over the amount of calories burned, but this exercise was for fun... in honor of a very inspiring show.

When I got home I made myself a snack. I sat down, took one bite... and then it hit me... I just worked my tail off and I am not about to ruin it with this snack. I want this snack SO MUCH LESS than I want to be fit. I immediately proceeded to the trash and grabbed some Crystal Light instead. Each time I am tempted I try to remember how important this is to me, not only to do this for my own health... but to prepare myself to be a beautiful bride.

The Biggest Loser

Tonight is the first night of The Biggest Loser.
I feel so heartbroken over the guy who is 526 pounds.
I know all too well how it feels for the weight to creep on and suddenly one day you realize that you are much heavier than you thought you'd ever be.
I'm gonna keep watching for inspiration.

About my day... I worked at the facility in Daytona Beach today. There are things to fix and I have to go back tomorrow.

I have felt a little down today. I mean, I am not totally depressed or anything. There is just a nagging in the back of my mind that Brian is away for SEVEN MONTHS! I am so incredibly proud of him. He sent me a quick email today saying that he loves me. That always helps.

More tomorrow...

Internet gods!

I know that I was only planning on one post a day, but I just wanted to put out this quick note. I would like to say a special thank you to the internet gods. We have maintained contact with the ship via internet since they left. There is a bit of a delay, but contact is contact. I don't think that any of us expected it to be up for this long... and God forgive me if I jinx it... but kudos to all the sailors who have kept the lines of communication open for family's sake.

Get Funky with It!

Moya Family before deployment (Jan 2, 2010)

My new friend Cristina Moya and her five year old son Cristian joined me for church this morning. It was nice to have someone to sit with. I have been attending Chet’s Creek Church for a few years now… with one lengthy break when I was doing a study on another church and wanted to see if it was a fit. As I tried to think back about what I felt and initially thought about Chet’s and what has kept me there long term...these things came to mind.

At the end of the day what I love about my church is this (these are in random order)…

My pastor is a real guy, with a real accent (southern just like mine) and an undying love for the LSU Tigers, who DOESN’T have a comb-over (no offense, my daddy has a comb-over and he rocks it) or stands in front of you in some outrageously expensive suit while some members in his congregation just want to pay their freakin’mortgage. He looks like your uncle… not the weird uncle in mid-life crisis mode with the Harley gear and an earring… but the uncle who you’d call if you needed help. He talks to you, encourages you, lifts you up. He doesn’t preach at you or make you feel bad because sometimes life just sucks and things end up a little differently than you originally planned.

It is focused on meeting me where I am. Let’s just face it, I don’t have it all together (nobody even gasped in surprise). I am overly-emotional and unorganized at times. I have worn laundry that I took out of the dirty clothes basket more than once. I am a control freak at times and have high expectations on how I think people should respond to certain situations... usually too high for even the most perfect of individuals to meet up to.

I HEART the music. In my former life, I lead worship in a church for almost seven years and good music never hurts. They have a great band and sometimes I have to remind myself that I am not at a concert... "This isn’t a concert… sing! Worship how you feel lead." Some keep quiet and prefer to meditate, but I am the annoying girl who tries to sing over the rest of the congregation.

At times it gets really funky. My pastor has driven a motorcycle across the stage to start his sermon. The ministerial staff did there own version of “Stomp” banging brooms and trash cans to an original beat that they composed. They once set off a rocket in the church to teach the kids about being charitable. They send out a mission team to a foreign country almost once a month. We have days when we wear our college or NFL team colors or jerseys and talk smack about everybody’s teams. It is lots of fun!

I think Cristina summed it up great when she said… “It is nice to visit a church with REAL people”.

Cristina, Thank you so much for coming with me this morning!!! It is great when you have someone to share and spend time with... even when our sailors are away.

Setting Sail

Well this morning was it ... day one of 213 days of distance between me and my future husband Brian, aka "Sailor", aka "Mr. Wonderful".

As I stood at the pier's edge and watched the lines being pulled in, I couldn't help but feel overwhelmed with pride. I was beholding the "world's greatest Navy" prepare for battle. The ship seemed so majestic like a toy with new batteries, only much, much bigger. The sailors were all running about, performing last minute duties with such fluency, as if they had perfected their motions long ago and it is was merely second nature. This was the moment they had been preparing for and dreading for months now.

You know, you really don't understand the sacrifice of a military family until you see a deployed father stare into the eyes of his wife and gaze upon his children with a broken heart. It is like witnessing a warrior melt, even Brian fought to hold back tears more than once. I held up pretty good until I realized the tug was actually pulling the boat away... then I cried. I felt my heart leaving me and heading deep into the Atlantic. I know that Brian and I have it much easier than those with children, but seeing him getting smaller and smaller as the boat pulled farther and farther away simply brought the distance and length of time at the forefront of my perspective.

While he is gone we are both committed to a positive journey, growing individually and together even though we are thousands of miles apart. This blog is for our journey.... Bon Voyage to us both.