The waiting game

When the Farragut set sail back in January I had so many plans, so much I wanted to accomplish. I think between February and May I was working out so hard, trying to get in a fitness groove and learning how to push myself and eat more of the right things. By the end of May my focus turned to finances, working towards being debt-free by the time Brian returns. In June I think I worked on helping others accomplish a few goals by spending my weekend with ladies that needed an extra set of hands and muscles for some big projects. Now in July I have been focused on the apartment, decorating and organizing. I got a storage unit for some of our extra stuff that we rarely need like Christmas decorations, etc. The thing is, with all this drive to get it all done, I am now basically done and have accomplished most everything on my list. The last minute details take very little time in the grand scheme of things. I finished everything too early and now I am stuck in the waiting room. :( Luckily I have a painting to finish and a few more seasons of Sex In the City to watch. I am having the carpets cleaned and my hair lightened to blond on Tuesday. I feel like there are so few projects for the amount of time that remains. Help, somebody give me something to do!

Last night Jenny and I went to dinner at the North Beach Bistro. It was she and her husband's 10th wedding anniversary. It is hard to enjoy such a significant moment when your spouse is halfway around the world. I told Brian that I was gonna be her stand in groom for the evening. We had a great time. I wish we had taken a photo of the two of us. Her husband sent her the most beautiful matching necklace and earrings. Boy is she blingin'! We had a great time and I honestly don't think I have eaten that much since December. I was so miserable afterwards but it was worth it. The food was amazing. I ordered Mahi Mahi with Mango.... MMMMMM.

This morning he called and woke me...YAY! :) We laughed and I got a little choked up once. He is just everything I want and need ... and so, so far away from home.

JULY !!! Oh sweet, sweet July!

Wow. I can't believe it is JULY! YAY! With each month that has passed a new marker is crossed that inches closer and closer to the return of the Farragut.

I think so often about the night before Brian left. We were laying down for the nap, mentally exhausted from the preparations, yet unable to fully let ourselves rest. We knew that these were our final moments together before the ship set sail. Laying there trying to be still and quiet, neither of us could say what was on our minds. We were both brokenhearted. As we lay there in silence, I grabbed my cell phone and text him the few words I wished I could say out loud, "I miss you already". He grabbed for his phone, a few seconds later my text alert sounded. It read "I started missing you the moment I found out there was a deployment". We both burst into tears and could do nothing but hold each other crying until we fell asleep.

I point out this moment, this memory for one main reason. Looking back on that moment, we were so completely sad that we were going to be apart. We were so nervous about the unknown. How would our relationship hold up over a seven month deployment? How would we make it without seeing each other for so long. But here is the answer... one day at a time. Every morning when I wake, especially in the beginning, I just wanted the strength to get through that day. Then you get into a routine and find projects and friends to occupy your time. While I hate the feeling that him leaving brings, the leading up to and watching him pull away is by far the hardest part. The day after he left I found myself thinking, today is one day closer to his return.

I am so incredibly thankful for all the sacrifices he has made. I am so thankful for my friends and family who have been there for me and encouraged me through his absence. I am so thankful that the fear that this deployment would bring us apart has been the opposite of what has truly happened. We are closer now than before he left.

Sooner than later he will make his way back to me. Soon I will be going back blond and filling the fridge with all the things he likes. I will be pressing my dress for homecoming and making sure there is plenty of laundry detergent. I have never wanted to wash a load of coveralls so bad... pretty soon.... I will get to.